Hi all. I’m feeling a little tongue-tied as I write this, a feeling that’s been strangling me for about a year, every time I open Word Press. I’m scared of seeming frivolous, juvenile, and unprofessional because I like to blog about insubstantial shit and I’m a lawyer. I’m afraid other lawyers or clients will stumble upon this site and think I can’t handle my work in a professional and effective manner because of my decidedly un-lawyer-like content. This terrifies me because I need my job (plus, I’m actually not that bad at it). Hence the many, many drafts that never get off the table.
I’m also held back by the futile pursuit of perfection. No post will ever be perfect, I know this, but still, it causes me to run out of steam and abandon ship after a few paragraphs. A lot of others have expressed this in podcasts I listen to and probably in blogs and articles I’ve read, so I don’t think this problem is unique to me. It’s still really fucking hard to get over and just get through it.
Today I read about the current full moon in Capricorn (with lunar eclipse, unfortunately not visible from North America). It was part of an email from Tamed Wild Apothecary (I used to get their Wild Medicine Box until it was discontinued). The gist of it was that the Capricorn full moon was about change shoving us towards our destinies. We could either go with the flow (which has the potential to be scary) or swim against it (probably also scary).
I want the moon to bring the momentum I need to follow through with this blog. I want to claim this space as my little corner of the internet. Like a scrawled tag on a bathroom stall, “Cate was here.” I think Kurt Cobain said it best. His published journals say something like, “Don’t read this. When I’m gone pick this up and figure me out.” And also, “If you read you will judge.” I feel all of this. I am a walking bag of (probably misquoting) contradictions.
Another thing: for the duration of this blog, I have struggled to stick to one theme (or even a collection of similar themes). The problem is I become interested in new things all the time and want to share them. I can’t really see myself committing to just one in the future either. I guess that’s why I settled on the relatively generic name, “Weekend Blog.” Because all of my many interests must be crammed into 2 days a week or less (you know—work and stuff). So I apologise in advance; if I do continue to write here my entries are likely to be a motley mix of disjointed topics. I hope at least a few of you will find some of them entertaining and continue to read.
I am drawn to writing this blog, even though I find it terrifying at times. If you see this post, I guess it means I’ve decided to follow the moon and pursue this passion. If you too are astrologically inclined, have you felt the pull of the Capricorn moon?